Translation - should

I should make money.
I should lose weight.
I should eat better.
I should manage time better.
I should do my practices more.
I should pursue the career aspect of writing more.
I should clean the house.
I should be more energetic.
I should be happier.
I should be enlightened by now.
I should apply myself more.
I should stop using the word should.
I should be able to transcend my conditioning.

**
I choose not to make money right now; this meets my needs for autonomy, relaxation and detachment.

I choose not to focus on quantitative measures of health; this meets my needs for freedom and acceptance.

I choose to make intuitive choices about food, trusting my body to most fully utilize the food it takes in -- this meets my need for trust.

For the first six weeks of the year, I kept detailed plans and records of how I spent my time. I felt energized, enthusiastic and motivated which met my needs for vigor, effortlessness and movement. For a like number of weeks, I have not kept detailed plans and records of how I spend my time. I feel lethargic, defeated and hopeless -- my needs for development, expansion and authentic expression are not being fully met. Would I be willing to examine these two states without judging or comparing them?

(I am clinging to a moment when I felt discouraged, when I needed empathy and didn't receive it. When I think about that I feel sad because I want safety; when I think about needing empathy and not receiving it, I realize that my needs for safety are not being met. Would I be willing to ask for empathy about this issue?)

For a while I consistently had a daily practice; now my practice is not as consistent and/or if it is I am unaware of it since I have not been consistently tracking it. (See: time management above.) When I consistently did and acknowledged a practice, I felt satisfied and fulfilled -- it met my needs for safety, reliability, stability and acknowledgement. Would I be willing to write down the number of practices I do everyday and observe how I feel after doing so?

See number 1. I choose to write whatever I damn well please -- this meets my needs for expression, autonomy and freedom.

When my house is visually ordered I feel energized -- it meets my needs for stability, relaxation and order. Would I be willing to note the needs that are met by not cleaning the house? Not cleaning my house meets my needs for autonomy, relaxation and detachment. Would I be willing to acknowledge that one state is not "better" than the other, but rather meets different needs? Would I be willing to trust my intuitive impulses to direct my choices when I am in my house?

The more I move the more energy I have. The less I move the less energy I have. When I am open-heartedly engaged in moving my body, I feel energized, light and free -- it meets my needs for energy, enthusiasm, vigor and wellness. Would I be willing to focus on breathing more deeply during this coming week? Would I be willing to make a sign to hang in the livingroom to remind me to breathe?

There were many times in my life when my body produced the neurochemicals associated with happiness in much less abundance than now. I *am* happy motherfucker.

I have been working toward transcending conditioned reality since I was a young child; I have overcome many obstacles between then and now. Would I be willing to acknowledge my intermittent and continued participation in samsara with compassion? Would I be willing to let go of my competition/hierarchical based paradigms? Would I be willing to acknowledge that on some level all beings already are enlightened, that this bardic state is not the totality of reality and that the ending of suffering is inevitable? Would I be willing to remember that time is a construct? In that light, then, would I be willing to admit that I already am enlightened and all I am lacking is recognition and integration? In a nutshell: time and space have no real meaning -- there is no reason to rush or be impatient -- would I be wiling to relax and enjoy the ride? Yeah, ok.

When I read the things I have known for a long time or reflect upon the knowledge I have, I feel… confused -- my needs for actualization and authenticity are not being fully met. Would I be willing to keep track of my daily practices? Doing so would meet my needs for stability and integration.

When I use the word "should" I feel constricted and rebellious -- it does not meet my needs for autonomy, choice and freedom. Would I be willing, whenever I notice a "should" message, to remind myself that there is no such thing, that the meaning is illusory, empty? Would I be willing to view the word "should" as a culturally conditioned verbal cliché, as a concept devoid of meaning outside of the culture in which it was produced? Would I be willing to extend compassion to myself, and all beings, who are conditioned in the consciousness of should? Would I be willing to demonstrate, recognize and embrace my own innate autonomy when encountering the concept should?

Human beings are neurologically wired to become conditioned; I am a human being. When I think about the power of my conditioning, I feel fear -- it does not meet my needs for freedom and choice. Would I be willing to see my conditioning, not as something to be "gotten rid of," but as something to embrace and integrate? Would I be willing to see it as adaptive, as functional, and honor and appreciate all that it has done for me? Would I also be willing to acknowledge that I *have* transcended a portion of my conditioning? That I continue to push through resistance, even while generating more resistance? When I think of the times I have persevered when faced with obstacles, I feel…. grateful and secure -- it meets my needs for safety, stability and certainty.

Ahh…. that feels better. Should's are just so heavy, weight so much -- they nail my ass to the ground, and not in a fun way.