Actionable Requests

In my examination of the idea of "actionable requests" I realize that I have confused two things in my head: The idea that one has the right to make requests but not demands HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH one's right to decide what one is and is not willing to do in response to demands. Just because I don't feel fulfilled when I make demands of others doesn't mean that I "should" feel fulfilled when I accept (real, implied or imaginary) demands from others. :<) This seems obvious upon reflection, but was a big revelation.

Current events combined with thinking about this issue are instigating an examination by me of the concept of "directness." I am noticing how this quality is lacking in our cultural discourse and how I have internalized that lack in my own discourse. My need for clarity applies to myself and my own interactions as well -- I am observing that I hesitate to be direct.

Directness + empathy -- these are the foundations upon which I would prefer to base my communications. What have I been taught / modeled culturally? Indirectness + defensiveness? No wonder we don't get our needs met.

And what is this cultural fear of directness? This fear of letting our preferences be clearly known? Is it a fear that if others know what we want they will purposfully keep it from us? Is it a belief that others already (should) know what we need but don't "want" to give it to us? Is it an underlying belief that we're not "worthy" of having our needs met? Or that we're "weak" if we have needs at all?

How dysfunctional.... and I mean that as an observation, not a judgment. I mean this system just doesn't work to get needs met, i.e. does not function.

And when I internalize and try to use this methodology I don't work as functionally either. But oh -- the cultural pressure to hint -- it is nigh irresistable.

I will endeavor to be even more direct. (There's that word "even" which allows me to strive for something different while at the same time acknowledging my accomplishments thus far.) I will endeavor to be brave in the face of implied requests / demands, neither accepting nor perpetuating them. This is my assignment, my current challenge -- I'll keep you posted.