Empathy, Needs And Understanding

A need for empathy is a need to feel heard and understood.

Understanding does not require agreement, i.e. one does not have to "agree" with another person to understand and hear how that person feels.

What we "disagree" with is not how the person feels, but their stated reasons for feeling so, or our interpretation for their reasons.

Feelings are not an argument; there is no reason to "agree" or "disagree" with the feelings of another.

One can hear and understand the feelings of another person without having to either agree or disagree with their stated, implied or interpreted reasons for feeling thus.

Understanding does not necessarily mean the same thing as "I can see why you would see it that way." Rather, understanding is simply stating back that you have understood what has been said.

Empathy is not sympathy. Regret, either internalized or projected (feeling sorry or feeling sorry for) is not a prerequisite for understanding and may actually hinder it.

Empathy is not how I would feel in another's shoes -- it is how they actually feel in their own shoes.

There is a relationship between empathy and acceptance. Empathy is the need to feel heard and understood -- feeling heard and understood is the precursor to feeling accepted.

The less my feelings are accepted, the less I feel willing to accept the feelings of others. The more I accept the feelings of others, the more my own feelings receive acceptance.

Feelings just ARE. They do not need to be judged, validated, agreed with, nor do they need to be "felt" by the other person. Rather, they just need to be heard, understood and optimally accepted. That seems to be what makes the cycle complete.

Once feelings are accepted, they can sort of come and go as they please. The ones which are life-alienating seem to stick around until they are heard, understood and accepted, i.e. they last longer the longer they are denied. Life-affirming feelings seem to have an inverse relationship with denial -- they go away quicker the more they are denied. Either way, accepting feelings seems to lead to experiencing more life-affirming emotions, thus acceptance is the more life-affirming response to all feelings.
Feelings do not need to be agreed or disagreed with -- they just ARE and are not an argument.

A need for empathy is a need to feel heard and understood, a need for feelings to be accepted, a need to encourage that which is life-affirming.