Constrictive Giving

I am noting in myself today a resistance to giving, a holding back, a lethargy, a clinging -- this does not meet my needs for flow and energy. Throughout the day, I often feel tired, heavy, unenergetic -- this coincides with my resistance to giving. I seem to believe that if I give with energy, I won't have any left, when in fact the opposite is true.

I know from experience that open-handed giving leads to an increase of energy, not a decrease. Giving from the heart is a positive feedback loop -- as one gives, one also receives. Constrictive giving, however, expends more energy than it creates -- the giving is difficult and one receives nothing.

I noted an overlap of this idea in my movement class tonight as we experimented with free flow and bound or constrictive flow. The former led to effortless flowing movement; the latter led to a great expenditure of energy with very little return. It also seemed to segment the body, causing parts of it to feel cut off.

This same principle applies to giving -- in the natural yield and push dynamic, there is easy, effortless flow of energy of all types. The constricted state leads to instant exhaustion and discouragement -- it doesn't feel good, so there is very little impetus to continue moving.

So much of my energy has been bound up in this dynamic, of gripping, constrictive energy that has a difficult time comfortably manifesting in the world. I endeavor to be more fully aware of the natural flow of energy in and through my body, to yield and push, to ground and float, to receive and give love. Total, persistent and in the moment connection to this rhythm of reality is my focus.

Tomorrow I will endeavor to remember this.